I Won't Say Goodnight
by TheIrishShipperholic
Summary: Follow the journey with Firehouse 51 as they mourn a loss. Kelly goes to mend fences with the one woman who he's never stopped loving. Others find romance with new & old flames, some try to deny attraction. And still tragedy holds a dark cloud over each of Chicago's finest. [Ensemble cast/pairings, but mostly Kelly/OC]


**Title:** I Won't Say Goodnight  
**Author:** Katie/TheIrishShipperholic  
**Disclaimer:** I own nothing but this story and my original characters  
**Show/Movie/Book:** Chicago Fire (with Chicago P.D. mixed in)  
**Couples/Category:** Kelly/Jo, Matt/Hallie (eventually Matt/Gabby), Cruz/Isabella, Capp/Cassandra, Vargas/Eloise, Eric/Christie, Otis/Katie (season 2), Mouch/Platt (season 2), Hadley/Danni, Mills/Miranda, and others from C.P.D. included. AU (alternate universe), but still follows both shows a bit  
**Rating:** Mature, for language and sexual scenes  
**Summary:** Follow the journey with Firehouse 51 as they mourn a loss. Kelly goes to mend fences with the one woman who he's never stopped loving. Others find romance with new & old flames, some try to deny attraction. And still tragedy holds a dark cloud over each of Chicago's finest. [Ensemble cast/pairings, but mostly Kelly/OC]  
**Author's Note:** I wanted to write this after finally getting through the first season of Chicago Fire. So I decided a complete rewrite of said season was in order!

**_Song: Shine Your Light  
Artist: Robbie Robertson_**

**Chapter One**

**Nine Years Earlier**

_"Jo," Johanna "Jo" Voight heard from beneath the window outside her bedroom. She took quick strides over to it then panicked when her ears picked up the sound of her father's footsteps outside her bedroom door. Although she wanted to send her boyfriend away, Jo quickly scrambled to get her pre-packed gym bag, opened her window then threw the bag down into Kelly Severide's waiting arms. He caught it easily then slid the strap over his broad shoulders until it was secured across his chest. Jo soon joined him after carefully jumping from her bedroom window onto the cool, soft grass in the backyard. As she took her boyfriend's hand, Jo heard the none-too-gentle slam of the back door against the wall of the back porch._

_She didn't have to look back to know exactly who it was that had slammed the door…_

**Present Day**  
_Dad eventually forgave me for running away to elope with Kelly,_ Jo thought to herself as she walked into her bathroom suite. When Heather Darden had suggested earlier in the week that she & Andy, Kelly & Jo and Matt & Hallie go out for a nice, kids-free dinner, Jo had almost said no. She hadn't had an evening to herself in several weeks, so she did say no. Jo, instead, settled for making a bubble bath, easing down into the comfortably warm bath water, slender fingers wrapped firmly around the stem of a glass of wine. Letting out a sigh, Jo was quick in wiping away tears…and then there was a knock on the front door. Quickly, Jo reached out and picked up her cell phone, sending a text to her ex-husband's phone. **You can go away now, Lieutenant. I have nothing to say to you.**

**Oh, is that right? Why are you talking to me now then?** Jo growled under her breath; oh how infuriated she was with him! Getting up and out of the bathtub, bare, cold and dripping wet, the Lakeshore Memorial emergency room doctor walked carefully over to the door, snatched her robe off one of the hooks then draped it around her suds-covered body. And then she was stomping down the stairs, shaking her head when her eyes caught the smirk covering the lower half of his face. Gently wrenching open the glass and wood door, Jo let her robe-covered arms lift to cross over her chest. "Babe, come on…"

She was quick to slam the door in his face at his plea. "I told you that I had nothing to say, Kelly. Why don't you take a hint?" she called through the see-through glass door but it didn't matter to him that she wanted him gone.

Reaching for the handle, Kelly wrenched the door in Jo's direction, stepped inside then slammed it behind him. In three quick strides, he had invaded her personal space. "Why bother taking a hint when I can just bother you with that red-hot desire hiding in your eyes?" he asked in a husky tone but didn't wait for her response before his head was lowering to capture her lips. The red-hot desire he'd been referring to finally clawed its way to the surface of her senses and she broke off the kiss then lowered her head and focused on the zipper of his jacket.

Jo began to slowly lower it, much to his chagrin, but his own hands began to explore her body, her curves tantalizing him. Kelly could feel his manhood throbbing from behind his jeans, taunting him and, once the zipper had _finally_ been lowered, the squad lieutenant picked his ex-wife up in his arms, backing her up against the nearest wall. The gasp that escaped from her lips was soon swept up into his kisses, his hands continuing their previously brief exploration of her slender curves while her own hands lowered to the hem of his squad T-shirt. Kelly lifted his arms so she could pull the shirt up and over his head, barely watching as it was tossed away over his shoulder. "Kelly," he heard her say in a whisper-soft tone, and he glanced up into her eyes, hands lifting to frame her cheeks. "I still love you…"

His lips barely brushed over hers as he whispered back, "And I still love you, Johanna Severide." And then her lips were meeting his, fusing them together like a ticking bomb ready to go off. Kelly hoisted her higher against his rock hard body before turning with her embraced in his arms, carrying her up the stairs, taking them one at a time. His kisses turned as gentle as the steps he took, his hands' caresses careful and tender. Her robe found its way magically onto the floor during their trek to reach their once-shared bedroom, and once they had made it through the doorway, Jo was sliding down the length of his body until her feet were touching the floor. Kelly advanced toward her with each step she took back, stripping away his jeans and boxers without missing a single beat of their nearly decade old dance. She fell back onto the duvet, Kelly following her down. "Mine…"

Strawberry blonde curls went wild, thrashing around on the pillow beneath her head while Kelly explored each part of the skin on her lower leg, starting at her feet. Open-mouthed kisses marked an upward trail, teeth nipping while a sinful and velvet tongue left a long, moist trail; Jo's leg and thigh quivered involuntarily in anticipation at what he was planning. Kelly only smirked against her skin, which was distracting and continued to move upward until his mouth had finally reached its destination. Her moist walls, like her neck had been downstairs, were soon lost among his lips, teeth and tongue, Jo's hips bucking upward against his face, tongue driving hard and delving as deep as it would go. Kelly, however, was quick to hold his former spouse's hips down, fingers gentle as they dug into the skin down. "Kelly, please don't," Jo murmured out, her tone ragged and husky.

The firefighter paused in what he was doing and looked up at her as if he was seeking her permission. Jo wiggled until their bodies were once again intimately aligned, legs wrapping around his lean, muscular waist as she then flipped them both over and she was on top of him. "You're a goddess. _My_ goddess," Kelly murmured after sitting up, intimately bringing their bodies together as he thrust deep up into her, making them one. Her walls clenched tightly around her ex-husband's rock-hard manhood as Kelly sank her lower onto it. Higher up still, Kelly could feel his heart's rhythm speed up as he gazed into Jo's eyes, releasing a soft, heated breath, warmth flooding over her cheeks. Jo's own breath hitched slightly as she shifted to fall onto her back among the covers, Kelly following and keeping them intimately joined before he began to thrust in and out of her at a steady pace.

_God, he still **feels** amazing,_ Jo thought to herself as her head fell to one side to one side of her neck. Kelly let his mouth follow, lips soft as they traveled down from her ear, into her neck and along her shoulder. She shivered then arched against him when his mouth closed around one of her breasts and moistened the entire round glob then nipped at the diamond-hard tip with his teeth. "Kelly…oh, Kelly," Jo said breathlessly into the silence that had somehow managed to sneak up on them.

As his thrusts began to pick up in speed and tandem, Kelly looked into the eyes of his ex-wife. "I love you. Always, forever and a day," he said softly against her lips.

Her smile is soft and genuine as she said softly back, "Always, forever and a day." Kelly grinned then brought his hands up to frame her cheeks, the strokes of his thumbs soft and gentle as he then leaned in to kiss her softly, sucking her bottom lip between his teeth. Jo moaned low in her throat, rocking her hips against his pointedly, their bodies' rhythm continuing to speed up until her head fell back, exposing the smooth column of her neck. The man in Kelly growled low in his throat then leaned forward to once again begin sucking on her neck, teeth nipping gently over the fair skin.

**Several Hours Later**…  
Kelly held Jo with one arm tucked up underneath one side of her face while the other held her hand, their fingers intertwined as he weaved his in and out of hers. "That…was amazing," he said with a smile down at her.

Jo let go of his hand then left the bed, grabbing her clothes to rush into the bathroom. Kelly decided to leave her alone, collecting his own clothes to put on, carrying boots and socks downstairs and out the front door. As he was putting his boots on and lacing them up, his cell phone rang, and he quickly answered with a hoarsely-spoken greeting of "Hello, Shay. Yes, I'm on my way." He stood up after both boots had been properly laced up before heading to his Camaro, driving away after ending the phone call with his homosexual best friend.

For the rest of the day, she was at the top of the list of thoughts that ran through his mind. As he later sat the Squad truck with Capp, Hadley and several others, his mind drifted back to the first fight they ever had as a married couple:

_**Eight Years Earlier**  
"I can't do this anymore, Kelly! I can't live like this and pretend that everything is okay for us when it's NOT!" Jo yelled, pacing back and forth in front of the bed in their bedroom. Kelly sat on the bed watching her, torn between speaking the truth and reaching out to pull her into his arms to comfort her, calm her down so he settled for the latter. His arms gently embraced his wife, bringing her into his lap and resting his chin on her shoulder after putting her hair to the other side. "Kelly…"_

_"To be honest, Jo, we've been married for nearly three years and we need to think about what kind of future Henry should have, especially if we want to give him siblings in the future," Kelly said. His tone was hoarse, quiet but Jo could hear a steadiness in it that she'd not heard before. "And I know you've been longing to have a little girl who takes after you in looks." Jo had to smile at the thought of adding a little girl to their three-person family._

_"I'd love nothing more. Why don't we get started on making that happen, hmm?" she asked, turning in his arms then pushing him back onto the bed, straddling his hips. Kelly then watched as her lips began to kiss a trail down his bare chest and he let his hands stroke up and down her shirt-clad back, moving underneath it. Jo released a shaky breath upon feeling him do that, arching back into his hands' soft caresses before shifting to kiss him, hips rocking down against his._

_Kelly shifted then thrust deep into her after gently removing her underwear but leaving her – his – shirt on because she looked undeniably sexy in it. "Jo…my beautiful Johanna," he whispered against the skin of her neck as he gently and softly thrust in and out of her, his thrusts soon picking up speed and rhythm. Above him, Jo began to slowly fall apart, desire overtaking her inch by slow inch._

_"Kelly…oh, oh my," she managed to get out in a breathless tone. Her head soon met the pillow when he took advantage and flipped both of them over, and with two final thrusts, they both went over the edge of the cliff known as desire._

**Present Day**  
Arriving at the scene they'd been called to 15 minutes earlier, Kelly and the other firefighters got out of their respective trucks, listening to what the frantic female parent is telling them. Kelly takes off into the attic first, confident and fearless.

Matthew "Matt" Casey is not far behind Kelly, Andy Darden trailing alongside one of his two best friends to get the child safely out of the attic. But it's not helpful, even when Andy recklessly broke a window upon receiving instruction to do so.

Helplessly, Kelly and Matt both watched, shock on their faces, as their friend perishes right before their very eyes. _I failed, Jo,_ Kelly thought. That was the last coherent, confident thought he had, negativity soon taking over. _I failed me, I failed Andy, I failed you. I failed as a father._

**One Month Later (Six Weeks Pregnant)**  
_Pregnant,_ the tiny window blinked up at Jo. She was pregnant with her third child…Kelly's unborn child. Somehow, in some odd way, she was actually happy. Jo then frowned as she also realized she'd have to tell Kelly so he didn't hear it from Leslie Shay or someone else…namely her father. Picking up her cell phone, Jo dialed his number then quickly hung up once she heard him answer with a hoarse, "Hello?"

**Firehouse**  
He knew it had to be important if she'd hung up as soon as he had answered her call. _You can avoid, Jo, but you can't deny,_ he thought to himself with a smirk on his face. Redialing her number, Kelly listened to it ringing a few times before she answered curtly, "Hello?"

"I know you just called me, Johanna. And don't try to tell me otherwise, because I won't believe you," Kelly said.

**Severide House**  
At the Severide house, Jo quickly hung up a second time. No way was she going to tell him about the baby. She'd just settle for keeping him in the dark when it came to the baby. He'd never have to know…at all. But, he'd probably find out anyway, if she didn't get Hallie and Heather to agree with keeping their mouths shut. Jo knew Hallie would, but Heather…she was another story altogether. Quickly, Jo dialed the number for Hallie and waited for the other female doctor to pick up. "This is Dr. Hallie Thomas speaking. What can I do to save your life?"

"Hallie, it's Jo; I was wondering…do you still want to have that girls' night in as we'd planned?"

"Of course I do, Johanna. Is tonight too soon?" Hallie asked.

"Tonight is perfect," Jo replied. She and Hallie agreed on a suitable time for Jo to come over to Hallie's apartment. Once done with that, Jo began getting ready for work. She was glad that her mother Addison didn't hesitate to agree with taking the kids to school or picking them up to watch them overnight. One night…that was all Jo needed. She needed that to not have to chase Mackenzie around the house or help Henry with his homework.

**Firehouse**  
"Severide, Casey, my office," Chief Wallace Boden says in a stern tone from the doorway, back at the firehouse. "Now." He never was the kind of man who allowed any kind of tension-filled arguments in the firehouse. Just before going into his chief's office, though, Kelly sent a text message to his ex wife's phone. **Is everything okay with you and the kids?**

**Everything is fine, Kelly. I've just had a long week at work.** It was snappy and to the point, and Jo sincerely hoped that he got the hint and left her alone.

**Long week? I'll come over tonight after shift and give you a massage.** Jo sighed. Somehow she knew she'd have to give in eventually.

**I can't tonight. How about tomorrow?** she wrote to him.

**Deal,** he wrote back. Oh, this was going to be a long 24-plus hours for Jo as she once again resumed getting ready for her shift at the hospital. En route to work, Jo answered a phone call from her father. "Hello, Dad. What can I do for you?"

"Hello to you, Johanna." Oh how she despised it when people used her given name. "I was hoping that we could get together for dinner this week. What do you say?"

"Hmm, I'll think about it and get back to you." Jo hung up before Hank could get in another word edgewise then headed into the hospital.

He'd finally arrived. After working in the family diner for most of his life, Peter Mills had finally walked through the doors of Firehouse 51. The same one his father had walked through. It was surreal. Walking up to a man just around the same age as him, Peter cleared his throat to get the other guy's attention. As he waited, the candidate flashed back to yesterday, when he'd accidentally spilled food he was delivering:

_**The Night Before**  
Peter knew he should have remembered to avoid the broken step as he went up the stairs to make the delivery for the young woman who'd called the order in. From above him, he heard the startled, but very feminine gasp. "Oh crap, that was my dinner, wasn't it?"_

_Glancing up to where he'd heard the voice, Peter Mills' eyes went wide upon seeing the raven-haired young woman, who gave him a shy wave and smile. "It was, but if you want, I can make you completely different dinner."_

_"If it's not too much trouble, sure, I'd love that," she replied. Peter nodded then cleaned up the mess he'd made then went up the stairs to the woman's apartment._

**Present Day**

**Later that Day**

Kelly had to express how lost he was. Knocking gently on the glass window on the door, he stepped back and waited for someone to answer the door. Surprise and happiness lit up his face when his daughter opened the door. "Hi, sweetie," he said. Concern replaced the happiness when she slammed the door in his face. A few minutes later, the door was opened again to reveal a slightly scowling Jo.

"It's not a good time right now, Kelly. I'm getting ready to go out with a friend," she told him, prepared to shut the door in his face a second time. What she wasn't prepared for was for him to place his boot-covered foot in between the door and its frame. "Go away, Kelly! I have things to do!"

"I'm not leaving until you tell me what's going on with you!" he growled at her in a low tone, his scowl matching hers.

"I'M PREGNANT!" she hissed before pushing his foot out of the way and slamming the door in his face finally. Kelly was shocked into speechlessness. _Jo was pregnant?_ How was she even going to allow him to reveal the news about Andy when she wouldn't even talk to him? Within an hour of witting on the porch steps and waiting, Kelly got his chance to explain himself when she opened the front door, exiting as she chattered with their daughter then closed the front door behind her.

"Jo, I just need give minutes. Please," Kelly pleaded softly as he trailed along with her when she headed around the side of the house and into the unattached car port. Reaching out, the squad leader closed his hand around one of her upper arms, whirling her around to face him, meeting her scowl head-on. "A…Andy is dead, Jo!" He let her go then turned around to start walking back to his car, about to get in when he felt her hand on his arm, stopping him. "He…he's really gone, Jo. And I did NOTHING but watch, helpless to stop it from happening."

Hot tears spilled from his eyes but Jo refused to let him hide the tears from her, turning him to face her and embraced him, one hand gently stroking over the back of his head after it fell to her shoulder.

**The Next Day**  
Jo walked beside Kelly, the former spouses arm in arm as they headed closer to the gravestone where Andy had been put to rest.

_The cry of the city is like a siren's song  
Wailing over the rooftops the whole night long  
Saw a shooting star like a diamond in the sky  
Must be someone's soul passing by_

_These are the streets_  
_Where we used to run, where your Papa's from_  
_These are the days_  
_Where you become what you become_  
_These are the streets_  
_Where the story's told_  
_The truth unfolds_  
_Darkness settles in_

_Chorus_  
_Shine your light down on me_  
_Lift me up so I can see_  
_Shine your light when you're gone_  
_Give me the strength_  
_To carry on, carry on_

_Don't want to be a hero_  
_Just an everyday man_  
_Trying to do the job the very best he can_  
_But now it's like living on borrowed time_  
_Out on the rim, over the line_  
_Always tempting fate like a game of chance_  
_Never want to stick around to the very last dance_  
_Sometimes I stumble and take a hard fall_  
_Loose hold your grip off the wall_

_Chorus_  
_Shine your light down on me_  
_Lift me up so I can see_  
_Shine your light when you're gone_  
_Give me the strength to carry on_  
_Carry on_

_I thought I saw him walking by the side of the road_  
_Maybe trying to find his way home_

_He's here but not here_  
_He's gone but not gone_  
_Just hope he knows if I get lost_

_Shine your light down on me_  
_Lift me up so I can see_  
_Shine your light when you're gone_  
_Give me the strength to carry on_  
_Carry on_

**Author's Note:** I hope that you all like it. I worked hard on this first chapter, and while it's not my best work, I will launch more into the back story for Kelly and Jo in the next chapter. Happy reading!


End file.
